my slightly off life

god aint that the truth. i am alone. i thought spending time with my friends would make me happier but it only made me feel more alone

i went to the docotr today i have some weird rash on me i no clue what it is, maybe it's some flesh eating virus, because then i can just die, but i dont want to die. i can live without friends i mean people do it everyday. but those people dont have parents who remind them that theyre losers or siblings who go out every night with either friends or their significant other while their left behind watching another stupid teen movie where they saw maybe someday that will be me, maybe ill finally be seen as someone desirable. but sadly that day wont be any time soon.

today my mom said that im very mature and that's maybe why guys dont want to date me and how it's hard that they dont want to especially when you see your friends with boyfriends. okay mom whatever. i dont care if im mature. why cant i be like every other heterosexual female? with a boyfriend and friends surrounding me and a reason to get up every morning, why cant i have that? because im a supreme loser. as most of my friends know im a bookworm, der. and in every book i read there's always a nerd but the nerd or loser whatever she is always is more beautiful than anyone, only because shes a nerd no one knows. it's so unfair you know, im not repulsive so i dont understand why i cant get any guy whose not a retard or over 35 to look at me. some times i wish i had zits all over my face and disgusting hair and pugent B.O. then i would know the reason why no guy who is under 35 or not a retard will look at me. but alas i dont have zits, i dont have disgusting hair, or pugent BO but i still cant get a guy. damn