my slightly off life

i dont get it! im myself i do everything that every self helper tells me to do and still im considered off in some odd way. i act like myself im not afraid of that but after a while people think im annoying, loud, bossy. it's just such crap. i wish i could write that something good happened today, like i got my first real kiss, im dating this incredibly nice guy, or that someone told me that they thought i was the coolest person, but hey not gonna happen. it all goes to annie, i know she hates me for saying it but seriously she's very lucky, she's gorgeous and she always seems to fit in where ever she is. unlike me who is uncomfortable just sitting down. I always try to have a smile on my face, because like that quote says you never know who's falling in love with your smile but lately im finding it harder and harder to find a reason to smile. i get made fun of in my classes, not all of them but some, im not getting the best grades, my homelife sucks my family thinks im this major brat but im not i know im not perfect but im alot more perfect than some of the kids out there, my friends are all getting boyfriends, and great news when i have nothing. i am so utterly alone. seriously my friends do say that they agree with me about guys, but they dont understand it from my view 'cause they have had boyfriends who've made them feel special but not me, nope so as i cry myself to sleep tonight for the first time in ages ill just try to remember im not the only one who's feeling this way. and maybe someday soon i will have someon *sigh* i wish!

im so alone! even the girls who complain dont have anything to complain about compared to me, i hate it hate hate hate it!

EVERYTHING I THINK IS THE TOTAL OPPOSITE!!! i think im good at something it turns out im just horrible!! i think these guys like me and yet again they like one of my best friends. i hate my life its nothing like id expected it to be. i mean i can remember sitting in my room at age 8 pretending i was on the rosie o'donell show and i was telling the story of my life, saying i had scores of suitors, expecting to have the perfect life that every girl dreams of, but no im not that girl im the big, ignorant, naive, stupid, fatter than average (to quote kyle and anthony), loud, obnoxious ugly depressed girl. i mean seriously, i used to think i could write really well but icant i suck! i have nothing to live for except the feeling that i might miss something. DAMN IT!