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im feel happy!
Saturday, March 08, 2003
wow i just read both john's and annies blogs. man annie is crazy she was saying in her blog (before she read johns blog) that she looked terrible in her bathing suit then she read his and he was like annie in a bathing suit whoo and im reading this and im like grr okay she's like 105 im not sure about her weight but im guessing it's like that give of take 10 pounds. and it just makes me feel fat. it's not like she calls herself fat, or anything like in front of me but still when people are so skinny and afraid of what they look like in a bathing suit its like SHUT UP! I WEIGH 60 POUNDS MORE THAN YOU IM THE ONE THAT LOOKS TERRIBLE i dont like feeling this way but hey it happens. erin was always saying aw man i gained like five pounds, and i just looked down, she and i would eat the same thing when i was with her sometimes i would even eat smaller portions. it just sucks. sometime i wish i were a diabetic because if i was it would almost be like a severe diet that i would have to keep or die. i wish all diets were like that. you know what the worst thing is? sometimes i wish i were anorexic or bulimic. but i cant i read at a young age what these things can do to you so i dont but sometimes im just like damn it why cant i just not eat! you fat thing! just go one day without eating! jeez, you cant even go 5 hours without eating! its just so frustrating to have so many skinny friends who think theyre fat. especially chrissy i mean chrissy wow she even has abs but no she's always like ooh i have a ghetto booty...so what!!!!! i have a ghetto body! i hear that it's normal to hate at least one thing on your body but what about hating you whole body is that normal? i mean really is it. i want to be skinny ooh so maybe curvy girls are in...so what during high school no one cares about the fat girls it's all about looks. you can be the most beautiful girl in the world but alot of people wont see it because youre fat. i hate society it blows
You look unhappy. I like that.
found a show that i really really want to watch but cant grrr cuz it's cancelled but the quotes are good so here they are
Memorable Quotes from
"My So-Called Life" (1994)
[About sex.]
Angela: I mean, I think about it...all the time, but...
Brian: Wait, you *think* about it all the time?
Angela: Brian! Yes! Shut up... guys don't have a monopoly on thinking about it.
Brian: They don't?
Angela: *No!*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, "How was that drive-by shooting?" You don't care how it *was*, you're lucky to get out alive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It had become the focus of everything. It was all I could feel, all I could think about. It blotted out the rest of my face, the rest of my life. Like the zit had become... the truth about me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Love is when you look into someone's eyes, and suddenly, you go all the way inside, to their soul... and you both know, instantly. I always imagined I would fall in love, nursing a blind soldier. Who was wounded in battle. Or maybe while rescuing someone in the middle of a blizzard, seconds before the avalanche hits. I thought, at least, by the age of fifteen, I would have a love life. But, I don't even have a "like" life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: When I was little I, like, worshipped Halloween. And truthfully, part of me still does. 'Cause it's your one chance all year to be someone else.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: [narrating] I couldn't stop thinking about it. The, like, fact that - that people - had sex. That they just *had* it, like sex was this thing people - *had*, like a rash. Or a - a Rottweiler. Everything started to seem like, pornographic or something. Like, Mrs. Krysanowski has sex. So does Mr. Katimsky. They both have sex. They could - have sex together. Like right now.
[groans]
Angela: I am, like, the *sickest* person.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian: Finally! An erection from actual, physical contact!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jordan: Why are you like this?
Angela: Like what?
Jordan: Like how you are.
Angela: How am I? How am I!?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: If only there were a button somewhere that I could push. To force me to stop talking.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It's good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. Possibly even me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: They weren't the kind of kisses you could actually evaluate. They were more like... introductory kisses.
Rickie: Introductory kisses. Is that like a class I could get into?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: This life has been a test. If this had been an actual life, you would have received instructions on where to go and what to do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: The worst feeling is suddenly realizing that you don't measure up. And that, in the past, when you thought you did, you were a fool.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Sometimes I think if my mother wasn't so good at pretending to be happy she might be better at actually being happy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Walking into someone else's house for the first time is like entering another country. Not that I've ever been to another country.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Each card has its own name: The Magician; The Empress; The Fool; The Wheel of Fortune; Strength. They represent challanges and tests, twists of fate. No card is all good or all bad. Cards can be positive or negative depending on where they fall. When you read someone's future, they must think of a question. They must hold it in their mind. The cards read in sequence, each card leads to the next. We move from terror and loss to unexpected good fortune and out of darkness hope is born.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Things were getting to me. Just how people are. How they always expect you to be a certain way. Even your best friend.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Like with boys, how they have it so easy. How you have to pretend that you don't notice them... noticing you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: I'm in love. His name is Jordan Catalano. He was let back, twice. Once I almost touched his shoulder in the middle of a pop quiz. He's always closing his eyes like it hurts to look at things.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: School is a battlefield... for your heart.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: I bet people can actually die of embarrassment. I bet it's been medically proven.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danielle: Do we have to keep talking about religion? It's Christmas!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Graham: Well, then I guess it depends on how badly you need wallpaper.
Brian: I'd say... pretty bad.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: School is a battlefield for your heart. So when Rayanne Graff told me my hair was holding me back, I had to listen. 'Cause she wasn't just talking about my hair. She was talking about my life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My dad thinks every person in the world is having more fun than him. Which could be true.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Lately, I can't even look at my mother without wanting to stab her repeatedly.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My dad and I used to be pretty tight. The sad truth is, my breasts have come between us.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patty: God, Chelsea Clinton. Will you look at this? No freedom, no privacy, constant surveillance, Secret Service men... That's what we need.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rayanne: You wanna have sex with him.
Angela: Who?
Rayanne: Who. Jordan. Catalano. Come on, I'm not gonna tell anyone, just admit it.
Angela: I just like how he's always leaning. Against stuff. He leans great. Well, either sex or a conversation. Ideally both.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ms. Mayhew: How could Anne Frank be lucky?
Angela: I don't know. 'Cause she was stuck in an attic for three years with this guy she really liked?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It just seems like, you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it, I mean, how do you know it's even you? And, I mean, this whole thing with yearbook - it's like, everybody's in this big hurry to make this book, to supposedly remember what happened. Because if you made a book of what really happened, it'd be a really upsetting book.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Seeing a teacher's actual lunch is, like, so depressing. Not to mention, her bra strap.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jordan: This doesn't seem like a Friday.
Angela: It's Thursday.
Jordan: Oh. Are you sure?
Angela: Yesterday was Wednesday, so...
Jordan: Oh... Right.
Angela: So, that's how I know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rayanne: I think lard's my favorite food group.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Cafeteria is the embarrassment capital of the world. It's like a prison movie.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First Bathroom Girl: Wait, so what's fat-free?
Second Bathroom Girl: When something's, like, free. Of fat.
Third Bathroom Girl: Well, what's the difference between fat-free, and like, nonfat?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian: Oh, look at me, I'm way cool. I'm off with my way cool friends to sniff floor wax.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Everybody's an act. Including you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rickie: If you were about to do it, okay, what would you want the other person to say, like, right before?
Rayanne: "This won't take long."
Rickie: No, seriously.
Rayanne: "Do I know you?"
Rickie: No, like, for real. Like, romantic.
Angela: "You're so beautiful, it hurts to look at you."
Rayanne: "It hurts to look at you"?
Rickie: How'd you think of that?
Rayanne: Where would it hurt?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: These guys started hitting on us.
Brian: What? Like sexual harassment?
Angela: Like guys.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My entire life became divided into kissing... and not kissing. Kissing... and not kissing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It just seems like...you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it... I mean, how do you know it's even you? And this whole thing with the yearbook - it's like, everybody's in this big hurry to make this book... to supposedly remember what happened, but it's not even what really happened. It's what everybody thinks was *supposed* to happen. Because if you made a book of what *really* happened, it'd be a really upsetting book.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: People are always saying you should be yourself, like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster. Like you know what it is even. But every so often I'll have, like, a moment, where just being myself in my life right where I am is, like, enough.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: There's this dividing line between girls who have had sex, and girls who haven't. And all of a sudden you realize you're looking at each other across it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rayanne Graff: "Potential slut". Now where do people get an idea like that about me?
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Research!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My mother's adopted. So for a while, she was looking for her real parents. I guess that's just what everyone's looking for.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It's so strange how parents can out of nowhere turn psychic. It's unnerving.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: When you're not sure you trust a person anymore, say a person you really trusted, say your father, you start wishing they'd do something like really wrong so you'd be right about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: When someone compliments your parents, there's like nothing to say. It's like a stun gun to your brain.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Graham: Prison's not that bad and, and I'll wait for you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patty: Orange juice doesn't grown on trees, Angela.
Angela: It sorta does.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Huge events take place on this earth every day. Earthquakes, hurricanes, even glaciers move. So why couldn't he just look at me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Hatred can become like food, it gives you this energy that you can like, live off of.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian: It's like you have created your own prison and now you have to exist in it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jordan: It's like you think you are safe or something cause you can just walk away anytime, cause you don't need her - you don't need anyone. But the thing you didn't realize is, you're wrong.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It's so weird when you see someone you just dreamed about. Like it's gonna show.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian Krakow: Dear Angela, I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry 'till the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you want to hate me, go ahead. If you want to burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down; you could tell me to go to hell. I'd go, if you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there. Sincerely, Jordan Catalano
Memorable Quotes from
"My So-Called Life" (1994)
[About sex.]
Angela: I mean, I think about it...all the time, but...
Brian: Wait, you *think* about it all the time?
Angela: Brian! Yes! Shut up... guys don't have a monopoly on thinking about it.
Brian: They don't?
Angela: *No!*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, "How was that drive-by shooting?" You don't care how it *was*, you're lucky to get out alive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It had become the focus of everything. It was all I could feel, all I could think about. It blotted out the rest of my face, the rest of my life. Like the zit had become... the truth about me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Love is when you look into someone's eyes, and suddenly, you go all the way inside, to their soul... and you both know, instantly. I always imagined I would fall in love, nursing a blind soldier. Who was wounded in battle. Or maybe while rescuing someone in the middle of a blizzard, seconds before the avalanche hits. I thought, at least, by the age of fifteen, I would have a love life. But, I don't even have a "like" life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: When I was little I, like, worshipped Halloween. And truthfully, part of me still does. 'Cause it's your one chance all year to be someone else.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: [narrating] I couldn't stop thinking about it. The, like, fact that - that people - had sex. That they just *had* it, like sex was this thing people - *had*, like a rash. Or a - a Rottweiler. Everything started to seem like, pornographic or something. Like, Mrs. Krysanowski has sex. So does Mr. Katimsky. They both have sex. They could - have sex together. Like right now.
[groans]
Angela: I am, like, the *sickest* person.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian: Finally! An erection from actual, physical contact!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jordan: Why are you like this?
Angela: Like what?
Jordan: Like how you are.
Angela: How am I? How am I!?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: If only there were a button somewhere that I could push. To force me to stop talking.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It's good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. Possibly even me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: They weren't the kind of kisses you could actually evaluate. They were more like... introductory kisses.
Rickie: Introductory kisses. Is that like a class I could get into?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: This life has been a test. If this had been an actual life, you would have received instructions on where to go and what to do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: The worst feeling is suddenly realizing that you don't measure up. And that, in the past, when you thought you did, you were a fool.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Sometimes I think if my mother wasn't so good at pretending to be happy she might be better at actually being happy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Walking into someone else's house for the first time is like entering another country. Not that I've ever been to another country.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Each card has its own name: The Magician; The Empress; The Fool; The Wheel of Fortune; Strength. They represent challanges and tests, twists of fate. No card is all good or all bad. Cards can be positive or negative depending on where they fall. When you read someone's future, they must think of a question. They must hold it in their mind. The cards read in sequence, each card leads to the next. We move from terror and loss to unexpected good fortune and out of darkness hope is born.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Things were getting to me. Just how people are. How they always expect you to be a certain way. Even your best friend.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Like with boys, how they have it so easy. How you have to pretend that you don't notice them... noticing you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: I'm in love. His name is Jordan Catalano. He was let back, twice. Once I almost touched his shoulder in the middle of a pop quiz. He's always closing his eyes like it hurts to look at things.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: School is a battlefield... for your heart.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: I bet people can actually die of embarrassment. I bet it's been medically proven.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danielle: Do we have to keep talking about religion? It's Christmas!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Graham: Well, then I guess it depends on how badly you need wallpaper.
Brian: I'd say... pretty bad.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: School is a battlefield for your heart. So when Rayanne Graff told me my hair was holding me back, I had to listen. 'Cause she wasn't just talking about my hair. She was talking about my life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My dad thinks every person in the world is having more fun than him. Which could be true.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Lately, I can't even look at my mother without wanting to stab her repeatedly.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My dad and I used to be pretty tight. The sad truth is, my breasts have come between us.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patty: God, Chelsea Clinton. Will you look at this? No freedom, no privacy, constant surveillance, Secret Service men... That's what we need.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rayanne: You wanna have sex with him.
Angela: Who?
Rayanne: Who. Jordan. Catalano. Come on, I'm not gonna tell anyone, just admit it.
Angela: I just like how he's always leaning. Against stuff. He leans great. Well, either sex or a conversation. Ideally both.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ms. Mayhew: How could Anne Frank be lucky?
Angela: I don't know. 'Cause she was stuck in an attic for three years with this guy she really liked?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It just seems like, you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it, I mean, how do you know it's even you? And, I mean, this whole thing with yearbook - it's like, everybody's in this big hurry to make this book, to supposedly remember what happened. Because if you made a book of what really happened, it'd be a really upsetting book.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Seeing a teacher's actual lunch is, like, so depressing. Not to mention, her bra strap.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jordan: This doesn't seem like a Friday.
Angela: It's Thursday.
Jordan: Oh. Are you sure?
Angela: Yesterday was Wednesday, so...
Jordan: Oh... Right.
Angela: So, that's how I know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rayanne: I think lard's my favorite food group.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Cafeteria is the embarrassment capital of the world. It's like a prison movie.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First Bathroom Girl: Wait, so what's fat-free?
Second Bathroom Girl: When something's, like, free. Of fat.
Third Bathroom Girl: Well, what's the difference between fat-free, and like, nonfat?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian: Oh, look at me, I'm way cool. I'm off with my way cool friends to sniff floor wax.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Everybody's an act. Including you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rickie: If you were about to do it, okay, what would you want the other person to say, like, right before?
Rayanne: "This won't take long."
Rickie: No, seriously.
Rayanne: "Do I know you?"
Rickie: No, like, for real. Like, romantic.
Angela: "You're so beautiful, it hurts to look at you."
Rayanne: "It hurts to look at you"?
Rickie: How'd you think of that?
Rayanne: Where would it hurt?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: These guys started hitting on us.
Brian: What? Like sexual harassment?
Angela: Like guys.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My entire life became divided into kissing... and not kissing. Kissing... and not kissing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It just seems like...you agree to have a certain personality or something. For no reason. Just to make things easier for everyone. But when you think about it... I mean, how do you know it's even you? And this whole thing with the yearbook - it's like, everybody's in this big hurry to make this book... to supposedly remember what happened, but it's not even what really happened. It's what everybody thinks was *supposed* to happen. Because if you made a book of what *really* happened, it'd be a really upsetting book.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: People are always saying you should be yourself, like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster. Like you know what it is even. But every so often I'll have, like, a moment, where just being myself in my life right where I am is, like, enough.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: There's this dividing line between girls who have had sex, and girls who haven't. And all of a sudden you realize you're looking at each other across it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rayanne Graff: "Potential slut". Now where do people get an idea like that about me?
Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Research!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: My mother's adopted. So for a while, she was looking for her real parents. I guess that's just what everyone's looking for.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It's so strange how parents can out of nowhere turn psychic. It's unnerving.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: When you're not sure you trust a person anymore, say a person you really trusted, say your father, you start wishing they'd do something like really wrong so you'd be right about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: When someone compliments your parents, there's like nothing to say. It's like a stun gun to your brain.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Graham: Prison's not that bad and, and I'll wait for you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patty: Orange juice doesn't grown on trees, Angela.
Angela: It sorta does.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Huge events take place on this earth every day. Earthquakes, hurricanes, even glaciers move. So why couldn't he just look at me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: Hatred can become like food, it gives you this energy that you can like, live off of.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian: It's like you have created your own prison and now you have to exist in it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jordan: It's like you think you are safe or something cause you can just walk away anytime, cause you don't need her - you don't need anyone. But the thing you didn't realize is, you're wrong.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angela: It's so weird when you see someone you just dreamed about. Like it's gonna show.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian Krakow: Dear Angela, I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry 'till the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you want to hate me, go ahead. If you want to burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down; you could tell me to go to hell. I'd go, if you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there. Sincerely, Jordan Catalano
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
hmm erins in love. odd. what has she been doing with all the guys she's been with she said that she's sorry but she must have been lying to all those guys because this is the first guy who she really loves. hmm. well okay then. i worry about her sometimes i mean she's gonna one day wake up and see what she's done with her life. shes famous for making people like her and using them without them even knowing. grr. so yeah we finally know chucks leaving on monday. im torn i want to go up to him and hug him and cry and tell him how much i love him but im not like that we're not like that. i dont know what to do i love him he's my brother im just afraid that he will be sent away and be gone for over 6 years and im just afraid that he'll die. i dont think he will i hope he doesnt but there is that possibility. whatever. all i can do is pray and hope that everything will be alright. cant think of anything else to write. i must leave you now. goodbye
