my slightly off life

hey y'all here i am writing to you on a boring cold dreary saturday afternoon. im tired but i want to do something i want to go to the show they have tonight but my mom is thinking about it and it starts at seven and since it's this late (it's like 5:30 here) i highly doubt im going. which i totally dont understand okay yeah i was stupid once and i got into some car with boys. but i learned my lesson not to do that!! or anything else that stupid. it's not like im out doing drugs drinking beer having sex with who knows how many guys so it's not like im doing any of that stuff so why should i have to suffer for the one mistake i made under the influence of someone who had a major impact on my life and my decisions. grr im just gonna post the song i was gonna post haha

And the morning light was breaking
Slowly moving across the bed
He gets up without her waking
To the voices in his head

Through the shadows in the hallway
To the room they painted blue
And on the inside he is frightened
At a loss for what to do

Until he opens up his eyes
And the angels all look down

Even closer than this life
Closer than your faith
Closer than the things that you hold dearly
And in vain
Closer than this life
Falling through again
Giving more than anything
That you could hope to win

And he knows his life is changing
It's never easy letting go
For the first time you are mortal
As the child before you grows
And he wonders at the sight
Of the joy that he has found

Even closer than this life
Closer than your faith
Closer than the things that you hold dearly
And in vain
Closer than this life
Falling through again
Giving more than anything
That you could hope to win

And what would you intend to find?
Solitude? Your peace of mind?
Holding out for something less
Than touching the hand of God?

Even closer than this life
Closer than this faith
Closer than the things that you hold dearly
And in vain
Closer than this life
Falling through again
Giving more than anything
That you could hope to win

Closer than this life
Closer finally
Living for the only thing
You ever made complete
Oh, for the one thing
That you both did perfectly

that is such a great song and the thing is no one knows it! but i love it if anyone wants to download it it's called closer by better than ezra

hey! i had a great day today! hahahaha just thinking about it cracks me up! okay so at like around 1 i went downtown and my friends and all we went and did trigger happy tv (if you dont know trigger happy is like a british jackass only 10 times better, they just go arougn doing stupid things like on a giant cell phone it rings and then he just yells HELLO???? and carries out his conversation yelling like so many people do while talking on cell phones) okay so we went to the downtown mall and we just did weird things we got jelly bellys for like 1.50 when it's like seven bucks for a pound so yeah and then we went outside and i just stop and say i need to dance then we all join it was great. then we went into had a mini cart race and then followed some amish people around then we went and bought some medical face masks yeah then we danced again and i did that cell phone thing but the only thing was that they didnt get it on tape *silently crys* but...it's...alright *stops crying* so it was a great day it ended with rehersal so it was great

im sitting here at the computer and i decided it would be fun to unsnap the buttons on my shirt and then rebutton them so i did but on the last button i couldn't get it to snap and all the while im thinking why is this so hard? it's a freaking snap button! and the i remembered a movie i watched today "i am sam" and i was thinking this is what it's like for people like him in his condition everyday they have a task and they might think why cant i do this? why? and it just puts things in perspective for me. i mean i may not be able button up my shirt for 2 minutes and it was just the top button but these people with disabilities do things like that everyday and they have jobs and they do things just like any "normal" person does. So from now on i have a new respect for people with disabilities because they deserve respect!

sometimes i wonder what are we here for are we here for other peoples amusement? because if so i am doing one crappy job at it! all my friends are hilarious and can make me laugh at the drop of a hat but even when i make them laugh i still dont feel like im making them half as happy as they made me. odd thought come to me i dunno why. yeah my msn nick name for the moment is do you love me tho? because im 15 years old and everyday of my life i go around thinking no one loves me. and all these ppl are like I LOVE YOU even colin who i have never met before but i have heard him and damn does he have a nice voice mmm mmm mmm! haha those accents get me everytime...i think it's the inner elizabeth bennet in me. I really think i was born in the wrong country and in the wrong century. I mean yeah im happy with all the rights i have and everything but i wish i lived in england for the accents and if it was a hundred or two hundred years ago, i would have been courted! and how marvelous that would be. I seriously think that romance is dying out and the guys that are romantic are either gay or not interested in me.